just enjoy the show

It just might be that things are slowly turning well. Maybe it is too early but so far, it has been great! =)

My temper and emotional control has improved by leaps and bounds. I have had more positive thoughts and I played a little bit better in badminton this week. All the more reason to feel happy!

I am still quite anxious and care for a lot of what may be trivial – i don’t know – what is trivial from an outsider’s perspective may be important to me. Well, at that time, anyway. I’ve slowly learn to notice when I am feeling anxious where I then let the feeling pass. I note, and try not to let it affect me. Just being aware of the anxious thought and emotion. I do feel anger and annoyance arising when someone made a comment or response in a way which irks me but I do not let it get hold of me. Instead, I really try to let it go and focus on what’s really important. Like my main tasks which gets sidetracked because I have to handle a few other broken stuff. Maybe I am suppressing the emotion instead of fully letting it go, but it’s a start!

In today’s badminton session, I had a good warm up session and I did not fall in the first few games. Excellent, considering how I use to fall quite a many times. I used to fall on purpose so that I can control how I land instead of accidentally hurting myself. Now, I fall when I am tired and when I lose my balance. No injuries this time, just a light bruise on my elbow and knees. Alas, I did not get to play with the graceful player today nor did I have a chance to witness the graceful leaps and movement. I wonder if it was a temporary hallucination on my part. Once in a while, I do steal glances hoping that I can observe the gracefulness again. Sadly, I did not see what I wanted to. It’s fine. When I can play that well, I hope to incorporate that graceful style in my game too. ( I know I can start now, but my focus is more on maintaining balance, learning how to smash and responding correctly. My mind can’t remember being graceful! Maybe I want to be graceful because I am not! )

In terms of my hiragana studies, I’ve managed to learn 30 hiragana characters. Woohoo!! It is super exciting because I just learn the character ‘fu’ today and in the Gochisousan episode, one of the characters is spelling out the fu character and I recognized it. Oh, I can’t wait to learn more!

Cheers to tomorrow! Always thankful for waking up everyday. A new chance at life, to explore new things and do something different.

Life is a maze and love is a riddle.
-Lenka-

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