just like fire ( thoughts and rants )

Frankly speaking, these two months, August and September have been quite unusual. I attended Joomla Day on Aug 13, my high school reunion on Aug 20 and AWSome Day on Sept 20.

In the Joomla Day event, I went on behalf of my company as a Joomla plugin developer. Although most of the talks are for people who uses Joomla as their website, I did pick up quite a bit. It is refreshing to see how Joomla thrives only via dedicated volunteers. Joomla is an open source CMS so it is free. Every effort and time spent in developing and improving Joomla is credited to the Joomla community’s hard work. I attended the event with my colleagues and it is interesting to note how each behaves according to their roles. The business development manager and sales lady focused more on the company’s branding, aiming to increase the event’s speaker and attendee’s awareness of my company. Meanwhile, my other colleague from IT and I were more focused on picking up whatever is relevant in the tech side. Awesome!

The AWSome Day is basically a tutorial on some of Amazon Web Services’ offerings such as Amazon’s S3, EBS and EC2. The keynote speaker demonstration was pretty cool! Using just a ball, Intel’s Edison, an AWS IoT  SDK, an open source robot SDK and Raspberry PI SDK, he made the ball moved, produced sounds, and changed color all without connecting to a server. The rest of the talk felt like a university class lecture. It was interesting to observe how the speaker handled demo failures, energized the sleepy crowd and added enthusiasm in his speech. Overall, a very experienced speaker and I managed to go through the entire speech without falling asleep. This round, I took the opportunity to promote my company to the vendors at the exhibition area. Teehee.

Aside from that, there were quite a few revolutions in my head. I took a week off ( there were 2 public holidays that week, so I technically only took 3 days leave ) and spent them all back in my hometown. I thought of meeting my friends, but in the end, I didn’t. This time, I cleaned up my desk a bit and helped out more with the chores at home. I proved that I can still drive a manual car ( my dad’s car is manual ). Best of all, I controlled my emotions more and held my tongue back more often. Progress!

Morever, I started watching Cinderella and the Four Knights and read Scarlet Heart and Moonlight Drawn by the Clouds. I am not sure if it is some kind of addiction or distraction but I think it provides the same kind of relief as those who shopped or drank or smoke when they are stressed. I started reading the Time Quintet series, having completed A Wrinkle in Time and A Wind in the Door. The story is something different from the ordinary and gave me new ideas to think about. It also reminded me that I am just a tiny speck in the entire universe but to a component inside my body cell, I may be their entire galaxy. It’s humbling and at the same time, profound as it makes me wonder if there could be other better ways (sense) of exploring the world other than the 5 senses we are so used to.

The biggest challenge and also the one thing that provides the largest resistance to everything is my mind. It is truly unruly and I had a very hard time disciplining it. Actually, I failed more than I succeed. But with each success, I rejoice. I’m geared towards positivity and I would really like to be like others. As in, there are people who I greatly admire. Some people give me a very comfortable feeling. These are the people who I would like to talk to, to tease, to hang out with, to be around with. They may be very kind souls, know how to speak and behave, or maybe they are just kindred spirits. But I would very much like to embody these good qualities, or rather, these lovely traits which I find soothing. I would like to give the same feelings to the people I interact with too. As such, I try to note what makes me feel comfortable and hope to copy and project that to others too. They say fake it till you make it. One of the hardest act that I struggle with is smiling. Such an easy thing but yet so tough. There are times when my mind is smiling or is telling me that it is time to smile but the smile would not appear on my face. I would remain stony although my mind would be screaming SMILE SMILE SMILE. Here and there, some random revelations would reveal itself and I go ohhhhh. Like how the story of my life suddenly runs in my head. Or, the cause of separation. A fantastic self composed speech about this and that. I didn’t record all of that down. Sometimes, I tell some friends. I am not sure what they think. I try to be a good friend, a good listener, who listens without judging. Some friends reach out to me but I am afraid. Or I didn’t feel connected to them at that time. I can be very difficult at times and I am annoyed by it too. However, I have started crediting myself when I did something great or leveled up. Rare moments, but sometimes I see my own light.Even if no one sees it, I feel contented because I have reached new heights.

No one can be just like me anyway.

p/s: I will probably mention my high school reunion in another post as I am quite done.

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