the silver linings behind the cloud

Boo! Halloween is coming soon. I have no costumes to wear but I don’t mind. =)
It’s not like we celebrate Halloween here anyway and I’ve already tried making Jack ‘O Lanterns and dressing up. =p

Anyway, the past week has been steady.  It might not sound like much, but I did accomplish a few small wins. I read and completed the fourth book in the Time Quintet series, Many Waters. The content surprised me because it was pretty adult-ish. I learned a few things as usual from this series. This time, I learned about Seraphims and Nephilims. Also, how people living in the desert in the past lived. Pretty fascinating, I would say.

Besides that, I completed Ore Monogatari as well. It is a really sweet innocent anime about young love, first love, kind love. I wish my world has more people like Takeo and Suna. Then  again, I should be like them to if I wanna meet / attract more people like them, eh? =)

At work, it has been pretty challenging. I have 2 main tasks hovering above me while I need to do support duty. Somehow, I really let support duty take over and tend to sidetrack the main task. Luckily, I have awesome project coworkers who steps in to save the day. Not to mention, one of them is super awesome and it makes me ponder if I can ever reach that level. My thoughts were coming at me like the bullet train, some negative and I managed to calm my mind down and focus on the task ahead. We paired programmed, I supposed. I managed to contribute something, so yay!

This was a super tired week too, so I was well prepared. I knew I am at a vulnerable state and thus I made sure I controlled my thoughts. Many times, it wanted to break free and scatter horrible, unpleasant and depressing ideas into my head but I held it firmly and let it pass. I kept reminding myself about the 2nd noble truth – suffering is caused by cravings, attachments. I knew I have to let it go. So thankfully, I managed to hold myself together and sleep peacefully. I sure hope these muscles grow stronger each day and I can be more emotionally stable and intelligent.

On top of that, a high school friend’s dad passed away. I attended the funeral. Even though I am not close to the family and do not know her dad, I felt like crying when I see their red tear-stricken faces. I looked away and composed myself. I am grateful my parents are still alive.  Like, really. Sometimes, I am afraid of getting sick, growing old, and dying. I still haven’t get back to meditate. Have been putting that off. Random but I was chatting with a friend and I said, “I am lost in my worldly life but I am in tune with my spiritual life.” I am stunned at my audacity in saying that. Partially true maybe. Or definitely true? First part – yes. The world still confuses me and I tread lightly, sometimes I forget and I get hurt. But spiritually….why did I say I am in tune? I do know what i should do, and the concepts. I just didn’t do much of it. I haven’t lost sight of it yet, so that’s a good sign. I’m glad that I still automatically say ‘Sadhu sadhu sadhu’ when something good happens ( occasionally ) or like when I killed a mosquito. But during the funeral, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t think Sadhu is an appropriate word in a funeral.

Lastly, I went and hang out with a semi-new set of friends. Not exactly new because there are some old friends but one of them is new. I don’t quite know how to put it, but it was fun I guess. We are readers so we hung out for a bit in a book store and while I loved to recommend some books, I found myself tongue-tied. The words couldn’t form in my brain. Damn it! I do wish to improve my deterioration in communicating my thoughts. So, here I am writing blog posts after blog posts, hoping to regain back my former writing glory and hone my penmanship. I still don’t have a pen name! We went swimming too and I ended up having ice-cream from the uncle who sells ice-cream on motor. Standing there, licking the ice-cream, and casually talking with them, is a different kind of feeling. As usual, I can’t put it down into words. The good thing was, I wasn’t thinking of leaving.

On a final note, I watched Dr Strange with my colleagues last Friday. It was excellent.

Actually, I have one more. This week has also been about two pairs of eyes. Both are shining so bright and they bring so much joy and life to the people around them. It’s funny because I usually only notice one pair but lately, the other pair has been steadily commanding my attention. I feel happy / contented when I look into them and I wish that my eyes can also give others the same feeling. Good night!

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