just enjoy the show

It just might be that things are slowly turning well. Maybe it is too early but so far, it has been great! =)

My temper and emotional control has improved by leaps and bounds. I have had more positive thoughts and I played a little bit better in badminton this week. All the more reason to feel happy!

I am still quite anxious and care for a lot of what may be trivial – i don’t know – what is trivial from an outsider’s perspective may be important to me. Well, at that time, anyway. I’ve slowly learn to notice when I am feeling anxious where I then let the feeling pass. I note, and try not to let it affect me. Just being aware of the anxious thought and emotion. I do feel anger and annoyance arising when someone made a comment or response in a way which irks me but I do not let it get hold of me. Instead, I really try to let it go and focus on what’s really important. Like my main tasks which gets sidetracked because I have to handle a few other broken stuff. Maybe I am suppressing the emotion instead of fully letting it go, but it’s a start!

In today’s badminton session, I had a good warm up session and I did not fall in the first few games. Excellent, considering how I use to fall quite a many times. I used to fall on purpose so that I can control how I land instead of accidentally hurting myself. Now, I fall when I am tired and when I lose my balance. No injuries this time, just a light bruise on my elbow and knees. Alas, I did not get to play with the graceful player today nor did I have a chance to witness the graceful leaps and movement. I wonder if it was a temporary hallucination on my part. Once in a while, I do steal glances hoping that I can observe the gracefulness again. Sadly, I did not see what I wanted to. It’s fine. When I can play that well, I hope to incorporate that graceful style in my game too. ( I know I can start now, but my focus is more on maintaining balance, learning how to smash and responding correctly. My mind can’t remember being graceful! Maybe I want to be graceful because I am not! )

In terms of my hiragana studies, I’ve managed to learn 30 hiragana characters. Woohoo!! It is super exciting because I just learn the character ‘fu’ today and in the Gochisousan episode, one of the characters is spelling out the fu character and I recognized it. Oh, I can’t wait to learn more!

Cheers to tomorrow! Always thankful for waking up everyday. A new chance at life, to explore new things and do something different.

Life is a maze and love is a riddle.
-Lenka-

now i see

If we pause to observe life, we can notice a few things we usually missed out.

Like, the budding friendship between two individuals. The dress that your colleague wore to work. That new haircut. The new shoe.

During one of the badminton games earlier, I happened to have one of those moments where I’m disconnected from reality and my mind only zooms in to a particular event. If what I’m seeing is on tv, it would be that everything else blurred and only the object at focused is clear. It is a unique occasion where time slowed down in that instant.

One of the player in the opponent’s team is very graceful. He plays well but it is his style that catches my eye. It is the way he jumps when he misses the shuttlecock at the net. Very gentle and disarming. So, my eyes began following his movements. When he misses the shuttlecock again, he raises both arms in a slight defeated motion and puts it down. Again, it was done in a very pleasant-to-the-eye way. I am surprised to discover that one can be this graceful. I want to be like that, too. My movements are clumsy and wonky. I may be tall but I am slipping and falling. It is as though a two left footed person dancing with a graceful ballerina. Such a stark contrast.

Not only that, his smashes are light, soft but fast. Soft as in, the sound is not irritating to the ears. Oops, I might be exaggerating by now. XD Anyway, I am just very intrigued and I do hope that I can achieve this level of sophistication in my game. At the moment, I am running around like a headless chicken. YY told me I improved too as I sent a few nice shots. He advised to practice more so as to train the muscle. Muscle memory, he says. This term brought me back to those dancing times. Back then, I had a dance partner with whom we had good chemistry so it was fun.

All in all, today is a good day. I handled a few stress points well although I may screwed up a little. I gathered momentum and pushed on when I felt stuck in my work. I changed the way I implemented something because I wanted it to be done right. Most importantly, I see the silver lining behind the cloud. There are two individuals with different personalities whom I need to work with. They both help to highlight my shortcomings and gave me a chance to nurture my teaching skills. I really hope I did the right thing. So far so good.

Good night! =)