just enjoy the show

It just might be that things are slowly turning well. Maybe it is too early but so far, it has been great! =)

My temper and emotional control has improved by leaps and bounds. I have had more positive thoughts and I played a little bit better in badminton this week. All the more reason to feel happy!

I am still quite anxious and care for a lot of what may be trivial – i don’t know – what is trivial from an outsider’s perspective may be important to me. Well, at that time, anyway. I’ve slowly learn to notice when I am feeling anxious where I then let the feeling pass. I note, and try not to let it affect me. Just being aware of the anxious thought and emotion. I do feel anger and annoyance arising when someone made a comment or response in a way which irks me but I do not let it get hold of me. Instead, I really try to let it go and focus on what’s really important. Like my main tasks which gets sidetracked because I have to handle a few other broken stuff. Maybe I am suppressing the emotion instead of fully letting it go, but it’s a start!

In today’s badminton session, I had a good warm up session and I did not fall in the first few games. Excellent, considering how I use to fall quite a many times. I used to fall on purpose so that I can control how I land instead of accidentally hurting myself. Now, I fall when I am tired and when I lose my balance. No injuries this time, just a light bruise on my elbow and knees. Alas, I did not get to play with the graceful player today nor did I have a chance to witness the graceful leaps and movement. I wonder if it was a temporary hallucination on my part. Once in a while, I do steal glances hoping that I can observe the gracefulness again. Sadly, I did not see what I wanted to. It’s fine. When I can play that well, I hope to incorporate that graceful style in my game too. ( I know I can start now, but my focus is more on maintaining balance, learning how to smash and responding correctly. My mind can’t remember being graceful! Maybe I want to be graceful because I am not! )

In terms of my hiragana studies, I’ve managed to learn 30 hiragana characters. Woohoo!! It is super exciting because I just learn the character ‘fu’ today and in the Gochisousan episode, one of the characters is spelling out the fu character and I recognized it. Oh, I can’t wait to learn more!

Cheers to tomorrow! Always thankful for waking up everyday. A new chance at life, to explore new things and do something different.

Life is a maze and love is a riddle.


now i see

If we pause to observe life, we can notice a few things we usually missed out.

Like, the budding friendship between two individuals. The dress that your colleague wore to work. That new haircut. The new shoe.

During one of the badminton games earlier, I happened to have one of those moments where I’m disconnected from reality and my mind only zooms in to a particular event. If what I’m seeing is on tv, it would be that everything else blurred and only the object at focused is clear. It is a unique occasion where time slowed down in that instant.

One of the player in the opponent’s team is very graceful. He plays well but it is his style that catches my eye. It is the way he jumps when he misses the shuttlecock at the net. Very gentle and disarming. So, my eyes began following his movements. When he misses the shuttlecock again, he raises both arms in a slight defeated motion and puts it down. Again, it was done in a very pleasant-to-the-eye way. I am surprised to discover that one can be this graceful. I want to be like that, too. My movements are clumsy and wonky. I may be tall but I am slipping and falling. It is as though a two left footed person dancing with a graceful ballerina. Such a stark contrast.

Not only that, his smashes are light, soft but fast. Soft as in, the sound is not irritating to the ears. Oops, I might be exaggerating by now. XD Anyway, I am just very intrigued and I do hope that I can achieve this level of sophistication in my game. At the moment, I am running around like a headless chicken. YY told me I improved too as I sent a few nice shots. He advised to practice more so as to train the muscle. Muscle memory, he says. This term brought me back to those dancing times. Back then, I had a dance partner with whom we had good chemistry so it was fun.

All in all, today is a good day. I handled a few stress points well although I may screwed up a little. I gathered momentum and pushed on when I felt stuck in my work. I changed the way I implemented something because I wanted it to be done right. Most importantly, I see the silver lining behind the cloud. There are two individuals with different personalities whom I need to work with. They both help to highlight my shortcomings and gave me a chance to nurture my teaching skills. I really hope I did the right thing. So far so good.

Good night! =)

raya hols and the heat

A rather unique week it was!

I took a day off from work and plus the two raya public holidays, I got myself a 5 day weekend. Splendid! Yen and I carpooled back to Taiping and had a smooth drive, thankfully. It was a good session of catching up and me playing DJ. I was pretty terrible at it though, haha. But practice makes perfect! =p

On my first day back home, you would have thought I slept away all my weariness. Oh no I did not! My dad recommended a few movies and I ended up watching ‘Bird on a Wire’ with him. It was an old movie but still exciting. I get to see the young Mel Gibson and Goldie Hawn. Not to mention, caught up with the Chinese dramas that my family was following. The title is rather funny: The Three Heroes and Five Gallants. I suppose I enjoyed it because the word ‘gallant’ reminded me of Jiraiya ( character from Naruto ).

The next day, I did something new: Hiking up Maxwell Hill with Yen. Okay, honestly, we did not hike up the entire hill, just halfway. We made it to the third hut (check points). I was panting hard and out of breath. Yen, however, was just chill and steady. Oh man, I need to do more cardio exercises! I had a good sweat though! ^^   Aside from the green foliage, steep slopes and lots of much older people passing through, there is an interesting incident. Before we got started, I was careless with my speech and spoke a little too publicly (and loudly?) about Yen’s purse whereabouts and the mini bag I held which was used to put my water bottle. A random uncle with a small black folded umbrella chipped in to chide that I should take an umbrella instead because you never know when it might rain. Stunned, Yen and I merely gave cordial smiles and proceeded to walk up but no, he was not finished. He then cheerfully invited us to join him in the hiking trail instead. FYI, there is a bitumen-ed road where one can walk up to the top or use a hiking trail instead. Shaking our heads and politely declining, we continued our journey.  So, we walked up and up till the third hut and descended. While we passed the second hut, the random uncle was resting there with some other people. He spoke out again to us, this time, jokingly asking if we ran up since we seem to be fast. He was blissfully ignored. Yen and I ended our adventure with a refreshing sugarcane drink (for her) and coconut water (for me). It reminded me of  Kuching’s wondrous mix of sugar cane and coconut water. The combo was exquisite and thirst quenching. I missed it!

Now, I should probably mention that it was also very hot. I’ve gotten quite used to it, fortunately. My next activity would be exploring Gochisousan. It is an ‘asadora’ japanese drama, meaning the drama mostly focuses on a heroine’s life, either in a modern contemporary setting or from small to old. The English name of this J drama, Bon Appetit, is about the latter. Anne Watanabe (Ken Watanabe’s daughter) plays Meiko, a little girl with a passion for eating who blossoms into a young lady whose passion switches to cooking delicious food for the people she loves. It is an endearing drama with lots of life lessons and not to mention, good food! Heavily recommended by my father, I was soon hooked (sadly the english subtitles only begins from ep 25 onwards ). Notable mention would be the height of the main characters. It is pretty rare to have such a lanky leading lady (whopping 175cm) and the leading gentleman (amazing 189cm!!!).

Besides that, my family got to meet up with some relatives who have been traveling around and it is kind of sad to see the young kid saying “Taiping has nothing”. What do you know? Anyhow, it has been a rather quiet affair. I did not initiate any meetings or approach any of my friends for a meet up, though I did think about it. Sometimes, I feel like I want to and I need to but I just ended up hiding in my house. If it were not for Yen, I probably would be in my house only. Next time. Though, I am not sure if I am already a stranger to my friends by then…..

If you would like to know, the trip back to KL was slightly congested. We did heard a loud thud. I turned and saw the front of the car glued to the back of another. Oh my….it is a minor knock though Yen was asking, how can this accident happen when we are literally crawling on the road? We made it back safely and all is well. It is hot in KL too.

Looking forward to tomorrow! 2 new colleagues will be joining us!


a walk in the park

A walk in the park is good for your mental health.

It is some form of meditation, where you focus on walking and just be in the present. Although initially, there are bound to be lots of thoughts going through one’s head, eventually, the thoughts slowly subside and one begins to notice one’s surroundings.

I’m lucky to be living right opposite the neighbourhood’s park. It is well maintained and regularly frequented by the neighbourhood’s occupants, especially in the evenings. As usual, I just kept my steady walking pace around the park, again and again. As I walk, I amuse myself by observing the children playing, the dog owners walking their dogs and moms sitting idly watching their kids. There is a playground, a gazebo, a small reflexology stone area and a few semi circle stone benches. Two of these face each other with a small space in the middle, cleverly utilized by the kids to play football. Each of the semi circle functions as a goal post and I can hear their excited cries as they scored or missed a goal. What’s lovely about the scene is that they came from various backgrounds. There are Chinese, Indians and mixed parentage kids. I’m guessing they are probably between 11-13 years old. The girls are taller whereas the boys still look, very young.

At the playground area, another group of kids, this time, younger ones, around the ages of 4-6 are having fun with their own made up games. They have a princess leader, a nicely dressed spunky kid giving out the instructions on their games whereas 2 more younger girls listen obligingly and followed. A little girl was watching and when I next passed them, she was already playing with them. I wondered if they just became friends or they knew each other. But knowing kids, their ability to make friends are fast. It was quite a pleasant feeling observing their shenanigans.

Aside from children, there are a few responsible dog owners who walked their dog with a plastic bag in hand, ready to scoop its feces. The trees are still quite young, though 2 or 3 are already showing their roots above the ground. As I walked round after round after round, the weights from my shoulders slowly disappear and I feel light. Today, I walked for 50 minutes and left feeling better. The best part was that during this walking session, I did not feel a sense of overwhelming sadness. Instead, I felt peace and it felt really good. Like, r e a l l y good.

Sunday Reflections

I made it to another Sunday! One of the blessings in life is to be able to wake up the next day and live another day. It was really difficult to get up this morning, though. My neck was stiff and aches when I turned and so were both of my arms!

The reason for this? Bubble sports! My company organized this event and I joined just to check it out. Firstly, they asked the guys and the ladies to stand in two straight lines. We had a headcount and we are then grouped based on our number. After we’ve all found our group members, we were ushered into the court where a Bubble Sport staff explained the basic safety rules, the games we’ll be playing and demonstrated how to put on the Bubble. It is like wearing a bubble backpack but because the bubble surrounds you, it may feel a little bit stuffy and your vision blurs because the bubbles are not translucent and I can’t wear my glasses when I put on this bubble!

The first game we played was futsal. As someone who doesn’t play futsal, I felt kind of useless to the team. Nevertheless, there were only 2 futsal players in the team and the captain kindly told me to just enjoy the game. So, there were quite a lot of falling and bouncing off the ball and my legs never reach anywhere near the ball. Still, it felt good when I manage to knock off some of the opponents. Hahaha. In the next few futsal games, I stepped out to allow other team members to play as well.

The next game was Defend the Tower. Once again, this is a 5 players game. One player gets to be King / Queen and the other members have to either defend the King / Queen or knock out the opponent’s King / Queen. I was one of the defenders. At the blow of the whistle, the attackers came rushing in and when we collided, I bounced off, as usual. I don’t really have much inertia but I tried to get up as quickly as possible and try to knock off these attackers who are busy trying to knock down the King.

This is where it gets interesting. I discovered a lot about myself. Being someone who does not play team sports much, I don’t really know what to do. As someone who usually sticks to the rules, I find myself at a loss. Before the game began, I would ask my captain for his opinion / strategy / wise words but he would only tell me to enjoy the game. I don’t know if he gave up on the team or he thinks it is best if we just play without any pressure. I guess, I was looking for a direction. Or instructions? In the Defend the Tower game, it felt real because there was a strategy. My captain would be King, and he assigned two members as attackers, two members as defenders. It felt like a plan which I can follow. When the attackers came, I really gave it my best shot to knock them off, away from the King. In the next game, some members switched and one of the replacements told me to go on the offensive. Being a stickler to rules, I blurted out that the captain told me to be the defender. I became confused. Should I try playing the attacker or remain the defender? I know you may think why I am making things complicated but I really felt lost. On one hand, it would be nice to try out being an attacker but deep down, I know I am a defender. That may sound delusional or epic fantasy but somehow, within me, as the game progresses, I really felt like a defender. Not just in the game, but in general. Anyway, I tried out being the offensive in the next round and failed miserably. So, I returned to my defender post and defend with all my might!

I ended up with really black knees (no injuries yay!), sore arms (especially at the shoulder-armpit joins area) and an overall fatigue feeling. It felt good when the captain acknowledged my defense. Twice. XD Most importantly, I learned a lot about sportsmanship from the captain. This is one good reason why we should join company events. If you are lucky enough to be in the same group with one of the top leaders in the company, you can learn a lot from them. There is a reason why they are where they are in the company.

Back to the arena, the top teams from Group A and Group B made it to the finals. Suddenly, I was jolted with some journalistic inspiration. I started broadcasting the final game to my department’s chat group. It felt great to be able to share what was going on, even though my pictures and video were of sub par quality. Maybe I should be a journalist. Hahaha! All in all, it was an eye-opening event. As I watched the matches, I wrestled with my own conflicting emotions. My hand shook as I gripped my water bottle. (That was purely because of the after effects of the game.) No matter what life throws at you, it is up to you to cry and weep or get out and find another path.

But first, let me tend to my stiff and aching neck and arms. Owh…..

Happy Sunday! 🙂

Achievement Unlocked!

In today’s pilates class, we use fitness balls and one of the actions is to balance on all fours on the ball. Technically, everyone does according to their level. Some can already kneel on the ball whereas some are still learning to balance on all fours.

I have already reach the stage where I can balance on all fours. I hope to improve to the next level, kneeling. After class, I asked the instructor for some tips. He told me to try and lift one hand away from the ball. Then, try with the other hand. His verdict was no, I cannot move on to the kneeling stage yet as  I need to be able to lift a leg away from the ball first. The thighs are not strong enough, yet.

Although I am unable to lift a leg away from the ball, I am still happy because I can lift a hand away from the ball! This may seem like nothing but it is really challenging to balance on all fours in the first place! Balancing has always been slightly tougher for me than other fitness ball activities. A few months ago, I could not even balance on all fours for a second before falling.

Today, I can lift a hand away. Yay! I really enjoy pilates sessions. 🙂

This is how balancing on all fours look like.