Have you ever felt like you’re watching your own life from a bystander’s perspective?
Sometimes, it takes just a single idea to re-frame your entire point of view of a fixed concept in your mind. It is as though you make a u turn and began seeing the roadside scenery from a new angle.
It happens to me, randomly, sometimes after a dream. When the unimaginable or unthinkable happens and you wake up feeling as though your reality has blurred. Is what I dreamed of possible? Could it have gone unnoticed or just something my subconscious picked up or secretly desire? The good news is that it provided me with more material for my daydreams. If it is something fascinating, I could probably expand it and think of new ways to continue the story or maybe recreate it with different endings. Occasionally, I take pride in ‘acting / directing’ my own (inner mind) films. However, more often than not, it is just a scene replayed again and again in a different scenario with a different dialogue, but with the same cast.
Speaking of which, the characters are usually faceless. They are usually mostly a form with certain traits and characteristics picked up from whoever I have in mind. The main focus of my inner films are mostly the dialogue and the chemistry between the characters. In a way, it is very satisfying because I get to ‘watch’ my own movie play out the way I want it too. Maybe a few retries even, if I can’t get the dialogue or scene right.
Anyway, back to the main topic of re-framing the entire point of view. So, I have two people whom I have different forms of interaction with. One day, I woke up from my dream where I suddenly have a 270 degree change in the way I perceive them. It is as though the dots finally connected. I can see clearly. But then again, I do not understand. Matters of the heart are usually difficult to address and when you introduce a new thought, your feelings get muddled up. Still, it is amazing to see how I have been missing out on this new perspective. Now I see double meaning in some events and chuckle at myself when it happens. Oh well, time is ticking and it will all be over before you know it.
Except that this time, I am one of the actors and not the wallpaper. Fun times! >_<
It will be the end of February soon. Well, by the time this post is published, it will probably be March 1st. Time flies and when I reflect back on what transpired these past few weeks, it is kind of unbelievable. My daydreams and my life sometimes overlaps and sometimes, it is kind of frightening. Because sometimes, some daydreams should just stay as daydreams. :p
Let’s pretend I am in a tv show where people have powers. Some are untapped, some are very basic and some are advanced. It feels like one of them has developed further. Songs are one method I use to understand myself better because we subconsciously suppress our true desires and emotions. However, there are some songs which I don’t really identify with. Then, I wonder if it could be that I am able to tap into someone’s feelings. The songs represent someone else’s emotions. But whose?
Then, there is also the ability of channeling someone else’s emotions. It is quite exhilarating yet disconcerting somehow. When this happens, it is as though an external emotion just override my own and I began feeling what the other person feels. It may not be the exact feeling but it’s good practice to learn to snap out of it especially if it is a negative feeling. It would be awkward if I were to suddenly cry or get angry for no reason. ( This only applies to interaction with human beings. )
Lastly, why do we feel uncomfortable when someone treats us well? Is it because we feel that we do not deserve it? I’m just using the phrase ‘treats us well’ very generically. We can get reactive to the feeling of being ignored, being left out, being labelled, etc. But the moment someone showers us with tenderness, we retreat into our shell. The gentleness bestowed upon is too overpowering that we have to wonder what caused it. Or is it just overthinking or in this case, over-feeling?
Getting out of my comfort zone alright!
Meanwhile, I am preparing to be a Servant Leader. It happens to bear the same initials so let’s hope I can live the part!
Very random thought that must be penned down. 😀
Now, this does not happen always, but a tiny light bulb just light up in my mind regarding the nursery rhyme above. It could just be the simplest and earliest love song that kids first learn. Here’s my interpretation:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You are like a little star, shining so brightly in my life, especially with your twinkling eyes.
How I wonder what you are
I would like to get to know you better.
Up above the world so high
In my world ( heart ), you hold the topmost spot.
Like a diamond in the sky
You are my precious and you shine the brightest in my life.
Twinkle twinkle little star
Oh, my dear…
How I wonder what you are
Let me get to know you better.
Since it is a nursery rhyme, the theme and interpretation fits perfectly with a parent’s love. Were you thinking of someone while reading the interpretation? :p
Snippet from last night’s dream.
Sharon and I were walking along a dirt path in a seemingly garden-like area. It felt very tropical as I saw on my right, multiple coconuts hanging by a string each from the ceiling of a semi glass building. It was a single storey building, and looks like a cafe, in my opinion. It just looks pretty refreshing to see this coconut deco. Wouldn’t it be heavy, I wondered.
As we walked, I was somewhat holding my camera phone in my hand and I focused on the building ahead of me. The ceiling fan was spinning and there is a lovely ornament hanging from the ceiling but I can’t remember what it was. Instead, what captivated my eyes were these two fierce-looking fishes swimming in the air. I had to move my phone to follow their movements though they were mostly going back and forth, meaning their movements were sort of enclosed in a fixed space. This really felt like something out-of-the-world, something you would only see in movies or videos. How can two fishes be moving so agilely in the air? I looked up to see the fishes with my own eye but I see nothing. I felt very odd and am in a state of disbelief. I looked down at my camera phone again and there they are, swimming while moving close to each other. My eyes immediately looked up and they disappeared! What trickery is this! I turned and asked Sharon to look but she had more of a trepidation look on her face. I caught her drift as I sensed a huge looming figure at the corner of my eye. It looked like a giant. Oh, this is a strange place!
Without having to say much, we immediately broke into a sprint across the meadows, eager to get out of its sight. We ran as fast as we could, over a stream of water. It felt like a river but the structure looked more like a man-made giant drain. Is this what insects feels like when they cross our drains? I felt a little frightened with the thought of what if I fell but the adrenaline rush kept me going forward. There was a wall at the end somewhere slightly above my height and with perfect timing, I took a great leap and managed to scale the wall and landed right on top, with barely a scratch. Sharon did too, and we kind of paused a while to take a breather. How do we escape next?
There are one or two humans around but they seem oblivious to us. I jumped over to another wall and jumped down. Below it, there seemed to be an opening and without thinking much, motioned Sharon to come over. There is a flight of stairs leading downwards and I instinctively slide down it. The opening is too narrow to walk down. When we finally reached the bottom of the stairs, the opening increased in height and we soon saw normal daylights and people. Busy roads. It looks like we are back to where we belong. I heaved a long sigh of relief. Madness.